Eating Disorders and the family

          When I met my wife 20 years ago I knew I was in love with her immediately, I was done. We dated for a very short time ( 2 weeks ) and then we eloped to Mexico and we got married. It was about 3 months after we met and it was great, we were meant to be together. Of course we really didn't know each other and there were things that would come out about each of us that wasn't good for a newly married couple. I had a daughter from high school she never knew about , boy that was a tough one. And the beautiful wife that made my stomach drop was sick, very sick. I guess I always suspected something was wrong but never really asked took my thoughts any further. It was about 3 months into our marriage that I realized just how sick she was. The beautiful woman that I married thought she was fat and was killing herself to be thin ( which she was already ). She was suffering from and eating disorder called restrictive Bulimia , she only ate a little a certain thing and then she would vomit them up. Of course like all Bulimics she would also binge and purge quit frequently but when she did manage to eat it was very limited, almost like a bird. It drove me insane with worry, I would leave work and try to get her out of the bathroom. I would stand outside the door begging her to stop all the while being drowned out by the most violent and forceful vomiting you can imagine. I was devastated but still very much in love with her and always trying to make her stop. I guess this went on for a couple of years until one day I just said to myself that there was nothing I could do, I was not going to save her and I knew then that I would one day watch her die. Over our 20 year marriage we have been in 6 of the best treatment facilities and seen some of the best counselors there  are when it comes to her addiction. With every day passing the thought of her still being alive tomorrow has haunted me. We now have 5 children and have battled together for 20 years to make sense of what is killing her. My children now hear there mother do what I have for 2o years and I know they are young but something makes me think they know she is killing herself. You know eating disorders often have other addictions attached to them and hers has been no different. Some people suffer from OCD some from Alcoholism some form or another of a variant of the disease . it never seems to be alone in its quest to kill them. I plan to write more on this because my wife has asked me to, although it doesn't seem to help her to know the pain it causes to the family , she thinks by me telling what it is like it may help someone else.

Gun Control

In the last several months this has been a topic that is as heated as it can get. I really do see both sides and can honestly say that there are good points both ways. But one thing I have to say is that what ever side you fall on you must admit that yor si is full of lying douche bags that will lie their ass off to get what they want. I am a conservative and can admit that I see them everyday in my party. The head of the NRA is the biggest of them all for example. But last night while I was watching Rachel Maddow I was just plain dumbfounded at how she will distort and lie to make her point. Then when you couple her with the male Rachel Maddow ( Chris the doucher Hayes) you get the equal of  LaPierre from the NRA.  I mean do any of the idiots really know what the truth is? First of all , there is absolutely zero documentation that limiting ammo or clip size will save one life. On the other hand to say that every single person that buys a gun of any kind should not have to submit to a background check is just as ludicrous. Mentally ill people and criminals will still kill just as many people as they do now no matter what kind of controls you try to on guns. By limiting the access law abiding citizens have to guns you are actually making it easier to kill for the mentaly ill and criminal element.   And by refusing to make background checks mandatory you are just making it look like you have something to hide, period!!!! Here is my suggestion , if you have a gun that is not registered and you have not submitted to the background check you go to jail. If yo have done so you should be able to own whatever gun you want with a safety course every 3 years and maditory range time to stay current. Mentaly ill and criminals should be put in homes or jail for possessing or attempting to possess any type of weapon.

I haven't written in a very long time , I usually write to get anger out. Today I want to write about something that I have been avoiding for too long. Religion . I grew up in a wonderful church , well actually two of them. As a by young child my family attended Garland Road Church of Christ and in my young adult life we attended Lake Highlands Church of  Christ. I all I have fantastic memories of both churches and really don't think there were any two churches that would have been better places to learn. As I grew up I strayed from the church and my life as a result became very hard to manage and soon become impossible to control at all. My point in saying this is that whether you believe or not the environment of church when you are in a good one, is a good nurturing one. That environment promotes a loving caring life and puts you on a good path, one I try to live today. Now are all churches that way ? No , they aren't and it is a shame that what I call "fake churches" are allowed to even exist at all. I have been to several of them and believe that going to those churches was in a small way responsible for my straying from the path I had always been taught.  I guess that is why it puzzles me so when I hear the vitriol and hatred spewed around the world about having God in schools or at least having a theme of religion in schools even if it is a non denominational one. What is so wrong with God? What is it that makes people so angry about people wanting to pray to him? 95% of the world believes in God but the 5% that don't get to make the rules because it isn't fair. I truly believe that this is a major reason that this country is in a downward spiral right now, not that we don't all pray but that we teach our children to whine and cry to get their way every time they don't like the outcome. If 1000 people are in a room and 950 want to pray should they not because 50 don't? Or should they say we are going to pray and you can choose not to? Why is it always the minority that gets to push their views on the rest of us and not the other way around. A democracy is set up for the majority to vote on what they want and everyone to go by the rights of the many not the feelings of the few. I for one am tired of watching the rights of the many occupied by the feeling of the few. I want my kids to have what I did not be forced into not having it because someone got their feelings hurt or felt uncomfortable because they were in the minority.

The way I see it.

When I look around and see what is going on and see the state of affairs we face as a people and a nation, I am shocked ans amazed. Being a super conservative , with the exception that I think pot should be legal. I have to wonder what people are thinking as they look at the news,,, is it real , is it fake ????? I can't answer that,, do we get the news as reality or as perception of the conveyor. I can only speak for what I see... I am no writer and will never be the President, but I am a caring  intelligent person that knows bullshit when I see it. I first and foremost am concerned for my children and the peril that I see in the years that are ahead of us. But after that I am concerned that we have allowed ourselves to but lulled into sleep by complacent laziness!!!! I don't mean all you work out nuts are the new leaders of the nation , but  that being lazy is more than just a person that doesn't workout. We have allowed ourselves to be lazy mentally, and that is more dangerous than being physically lazy. No matter how dumb my actions have been , I have never allowed myself to brain lazy. I always made a conscious decision to F up, no one goaded me.... I was always aware what I did was wrong. When I see the world leaders , I believe that they are the same,,,the no what they do is wrong and do it anyway.

Just the facts!!

I am so sick of the bullsh going on with the politico scene right now. It seems that there are so many lies being told that no one can tell the truth anymore. Every time there is an election the guy who lies the most wins, without fail. Four years ago it was all the change Obama was going to make happen when he was elected... Now it is Obama and Romney doing it again. Here is the deal just so you know, the promises are only words and will not be and cannot be lived up to. They are only lies told to get votes and then it all changes to the real deal, if you gave loads of cash the the elected party you get your wish. There are literally thousands of jobs that are useless given out to supporters of the elected. Obama alone gave over 200 jobs to supporters that are in the top 1% of pay in the country, useless jobs (czars) mind you. Hell Bush in his last 2 years wouldn't even make a decision because of the monetary effect on his after POTUS life. There are really only a few issues that will get any attention during the tenure of any POTUS, and no more. And those do not pertain to the working folks... they pertain to repaying the debt to the Pelosi's of Washington. Look at the local Senators from your area, what have they even put forward since election??? Most do nothing but Fat Cat it,,,,,!!!!! And if they ever vote it is on non crucial areas that won't ruffle feathers and interfere with re-election bids.

Rangel
Pelosi
Huntsman
Paul

They are all big talkers that do zero when the rubber meets the road, especially Paul who divides his own party to soap box ridiculous ideas. Pelosi is just a vain old lady with zero intentions of doing anything but serving her political career. My take is this , read the facts just the facts, don't listen to anyone who has a dog in the fight... They will lie to you for a vote even if it kills you!!!!!

Summertime

This time of year always brings back special memories for me. Growing up in Dallas, I can't help but think back to hanging out at White Rock Lake and cruising Forest Lane at night. When the Sun starts to come out and the wind gets hot, I want to throw the Frisbee and drink cold ones. I want to wear flip flops and get a sunburn no matter what the consequence. I want to head to San Marcos and guard the river rice!! LMAO! Lots of you will get that some will not,,, not important. The word San Marcos and river should be enough for most of you. Then I want to head to San Antonio and drink margs in little Mexico till I drop... After the Tequila wears down I want to drive South to Padre Island and soak up the whitest beach in Texas till my skin is as brown as the water. This is the time I find it hardest to work and the easiest to coast in to the driveway at night.. I have had a lot of good times and have a lot of good friends that will appreciate this... Frisbee golf anyone????

When life get's hard what do you do? Who do you blame?

    I have to admit that life has had it's ups and downs for me. and although  a lot of  the downs were self induced,  so were the ups. I came from a great family , well for the most part. Parents divorced several times, I was into drugs , booze ,,,you name it I had to do it. I always hear people blaming their past on upbringing and blaming the current state of their lives on the same. I just have to say that after a certain point in your life that is bullshit. Some of you who will read this know my past, wealthy family ,dad and mom loved me very much , brothers and sisters were well adjusted. But for some reason I blew apart at about 14 and but for the grace of God there go I. I have been to prison , I have had a terrible drug problem, I have hurt so many of the ones that love me. I have quit jobs, been fired , had stuff thrown at me that will always be a part of my life. I am 44 today , I have 5 children and have been married to my wife for 17 years. So why have I been able to do this but so many people seem to continue to destroy themselves over the past that haunts them? Simple, at 26 I figured out that there was only one common denominator in all of the ups and all of the downs....Me. I was to blame for it all, not my mom not my dad not my friends not where I lived. Me!! Barring mental health issues that would prevent it, people do and can change. I get up everyday wondering what I can do to put food and security in my families hands. I live in fear of being the guy with the sign under the bridge. Do I get depressed ,,,hell yes... is life just rosy ,,,hell no. But I control my reaction to these things, I control the things that used to control me. I have seen so many people die, the number is staggering. I have lost some of my closest friends to these same things...Bottom line is take responsibility for your own actions , believe in yourself and dont blame others for your failures if your not willing to give them credit for your success. Look at yourself in the mirror everyday and ask God to give you that one deal, that one smile , that one smell...just the one thing that makes you know it is all worth it...grind it out everyday and you will get it from him...get over your self and get on with it.......this is a beautiful place to be ,,,don't be in too much of a rush to leave it... RANT OVER!!!