Eating Disorders and the family

          When I met my wife 20 years ago I knew I was in love with her immediately, I was done. We dated for a very short time ( 2 weeks ) and then we eloped to Mexico and we got married. It was about 3 months after we met and it was great, we were meant to be together. Of course we really didn't know each other and there were things that would come out about each of us that wasn't good for a newly married couple. I had a daughter from high school she never knew about , boy that was a tough one. And the beautiful wife that made my stomach drop was sick, very sick. I guess I always suspected something was wrong but never really asked took my thoughts any further. It was about 3 months into our marriage that I realized just how sick she was. The beautiful woman that I married thought she was fat and was killing herself to be thin ( which she was already ). She was suffering from and eating disorder called restrictive Bulimia , she only ate a little a certain thing and then she would vomit them up. Of course like all Bulimics she would also binge and purge quit frequently but when she did manage to eat it was very limited, almost like a bird. It drove me insane with worry, I would leave work and try to get her out of the bathroom. I would stand outside the door begging her to stop all the while being drowned out by the most violent and forceful vomiting you can imagine. I was devastated but still very much in love with her and always trying to make her stop. I guess this went on for a couple of years until one day I just said to myself that there was nothing I could do, I was not going to save her and I knew then that I would one day watch her die. Over our 20 year marriage we have been in 6 of the best treatment facilities and seen some of the best counselors there  are when it comes to her addiction. With every day passing the thought of her still being alive tomorrow has haunted me. We now have 5 children and have battled together for 20 years to make sense of what is killing her. My children now hear there mother do what I have for 2o years and I know they are young but something makes me think they know she is killing herself. You know eating disorders often have other addictions attached to them and hers has been no different. Some people suffer from OCD some from Alcoholism some form or another of a variant of the disease . it never seems to be alone in its quest to kill them. I plan to write more on this because my wife has asked me to, although it doesn't seem to help her to know the pain it causes to the family , she thinks by me telling what it is like it may help someone else.